Monday, 20 January 2014

1 New Poem

One Hour Spent Talking

This is hollow: two voices strained for thought
in harried breath, voids between netted shut of wire
and syntax, but, still, you are, you are

everything I could think to speak of snow storms,
and light shows, south pols and night skis,
slow motions to tender rain and pictures in magazines.

This is all: two people getting along with their
smiles and exasperations, choking back truths
too kind to say, but, still, I am, I am

so summertime's smitten with every circle's rhythm
your hair bobbed with, every hand and mark
of black ink you pressed to cheek, just as

much as ever, really.

1 comment:

  1. I quite like the first three verses but not as much the last. I love the first verses in their capturing the essence of a quiet, still moment with someone you care about deeply- while have an anchor of realism. Showing how a moment spent 'strained for thought, in harried breaths' to fill the stillness so as to hide some truth they both can't bring themselves to discuss, transforms into a gentle comfort in the silence- a joy in merely being together and appreciating the others presence. The first three verses have a certain rhythm to them (struggle to fill the silence, slow comfort, then pleasure in the still realization "you are, you are"). I think the last verse upsets the rhythm somewhat in that it exudes a sense of movement and diversion through the image of a fast bobbing head and distracted writing, as opposed to the quiet presence of mind in the other verses- but I suspect they tell a deeper story that I am unaware of. That point made, I admire and thoroughly enjoy your freedom of expression and deep personalism that scoffs at established norms to more perfectly express your own feelings and memories.